Dear first born. A message before baby comes.

You. You are the one who made me a mother. From the moment I knew of your existence I was connected to you. We used to joke around that you were my magic little anxiety medicine because I felt so calm knowing you were with me. 

The first time I met you time froze. Nothing else in the world mattered but holding you in my arms and hearing your newborn cry. I will never forget the way you looked at me as if saying, "oh there you are, I have been waiting to meet you!"

We went thru some challenging times together, trying to get you to nurse and sleep well at first but we made it. I was so tired and could not wait to go to sleep any chance I got but was secretly excited to see you again when you woke. I remember our late night feedings like it was yesterday. You would always reach for my hand while you ate. That was the best feeling in the world!

I have enjoyed watching you grow! From baby to toddler years you have brought such joy to our hearts. Our lives have forever been changed. First steps to first words we have been blown away by your energetic personality! 

My heart is so full from all of the times you stop what your doing just to hug me and say you love me. I can not get enough of that. Or the way you will just reach for my hand. 

I have been starting to wonder what life will be like when it is not just you and me. It does scare me that you will feel replaced. Sweet boy, please know this. You are the light of my world. Because of you this world has turned into a better place. All of the love that I have for you could never be replaced! You taught me how to be a stronger woman. How to conquer fears. How to have goals and dreams. How to make life better for you! 

However, I am very excited to see you as a big brother. I just know you will be helpful as a toddler and sweet as child and loving as an adult to her. I wouldn't have wanted anyone else to be her mentor. 

I love you my sweet boy!

Mommy